I want to ruin your child's birthday party. Let it end in an orchestra of crying babes as I destroy the cake at the end of a slip 'n slide. I will blow out the candles myself, proving that farts don't ignite. The fun doesn't have to end, as no one will leave since I'll slash their tires. Then we'll get cozy and I'll make a salad in your guest bathroom. We'll connect in the most intimate of moments as my flaccid penis rests on your father's shoulder. "I love you, or I want to think that I could love you", I'll whisper to you before I leave, my hot breath so moist the ketchup in my gums comes back to life in your ear. Its never to late for this dream to come true.